This is a list of the top five ways in which I would like to die,

if I could choose:

Spontaneous combustion;

martyrdom in the name of a revolutionary cause;

being mauled by a zombie;

being sucked into a black hole, (fingers crossed for the Large Hadron Collider);

vapourisation due to nuclear fallout (or any other apocalyptic scenario, really).

The problem is that,

however it does eventually happen,

I won’t get to watch.